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.294 x shitty shit shit

Spent all day yesterday in hospitals trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with my eyes. An opthamologist at Walter Reed said my contacts had just dried my eyes out and gave me all natural eye drops and some ointment to use with the instructions not to wear my contacts for two weeks and call her if I didn't improve. My right eye is particularly bad for some reason, really blurry.

But that's not the reason for my update. I'm gonna try to keep this short and simple. I just want honest opinions/advice. I don't necessarily want to be "right" or have people on my side because I do feel that maybe I'm being a little... well... dumb. So just whatever you really think, and even if I end up not agreeing it's not like I'll be mad or anything.

So Danny's hanging out with Morgan and her friend, another girl, who apparently is really flirty and forward and likes to go after guys when her friends show signs of liking them. (Why is Morgan friends with her anyway?) I suggested that he bring Morgan by to see me at work last Thursday, so he said he'd try to bring Morgan and her friend by today, only clearly that wouldn't have happened even if I'd been cut because they're running on a tight schedule and need to be home by 5. Now, I trust Danny and that nothing would happen, but I just thought I might express to him that it made me mildly uncomfortable because without bringing them by to see me, he's just hanging out with a bunch of teenaged girls. He said once he wouldn't just hang out with Morgan unless we'd all be hanging out later; clearly not the case this time.

But what really made me extremely uncomfortable is when I got home from work and there's a pizza box and empty mike's hard lemonades and smirnoff ices in the room. So clearly they were drinking together.

Is it wrong that that pisses me off? That Danny was at home drinking with two teenaged girls? Like, it really bothers me, maybe more than it should. Especially since, thinking about it, if they'd skipped the drinking there would have been time to come see me or at least he'd for sure be able to pick me up on the way to drop them back off in Virginia, but now he's doubting he'll have time because he took them to Dave and Busters (admittedly to try to reserve lanes for my birthday next month).

I dunno. It gets under my skin. I've also been pretty jealous lately of how freaking much he texts her. Like all the time. And sometimes checks his phone like a girl waiting to see if her boyfriend texted. And downloaded AIM again to IM and video chat with Morgan and her friends in Myrtle Beach (they just got back yesterday). And is it wrong to be skeptical when he tells me he went out and bought a camera to play around with video chatting with me when he did so the day after one-way video chatting with Morgan because he didn't have a camera and so couldn't see him?

I'm done. Again, just honest opinions, and do keep in mind that I trust him not to cheat on me or anything stupid like that... I just don't trust him not to do something completely insensitive that he really shouldn't and really piss me off.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Apr. 10th, 2009 03:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much ♥ I really appreciate the support.

I did talk to him about it. The things he said to, I dunno, justify it of course didn't make it right, but I know he won't do it again. The funny thing is that the fact that it upset me hurt his feelings. You know, like "Don't you trust me?" I pointed out to him that even beyond the fact that it should have been obvious that it would upset me, it was a dumb idea to begin with. For starters, he doesn't even know Morgan's friend. She could tell a friend who tells a friend about him letting them drink and get him in trouble. And I also pointed out that he's usually the one who cares about appearances, and regardless of what actually might be going on between them, what the hell would it look like to outsiders?

So I think he gets it. It was a retarded thing for him to do, but what's important to me is he won't do it again. And hopefully the next time he thinks of doing something moronic he'll think of how it would make me feel. Stupid boys.
Apr. 10th, 2009 04:40 pm (UTC)
This has happened more than enough to warrant calling it a pattern. I suggest that you actually do set some consequences or at least some promises to yourself that if something like this happens again, you will not let it go so easily. You've only got one chance at finding your soulmate -- you don't want this to plague and potentially end a marriage.

I don't know, I think I agree with the above poster that he might have a crush. "Cheating" has many interpretations -- if his is strict physical cheating, then yes, I'd agree. He won't. But if its emotional cheating -- if its liking a girl more than he should, ala crush (and yes, they can happen, even during a relationship), then its something more to be discussed and made explicit.

I might have been biased to take his side of things last we spoke -- what really matters in the end is the long haul, and how often you feel like this, and whether it will or won't continue in other forms. That's really the bottom line.
Apr. 10th, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)
Re: Considerations
Thanks. I know what you're saying. You're definitely describing my biggest fear at the beginning: not that he'd cheat, but that he'd just start to really like her in a... I guess a crush sort of way.

Let me see if I can describe where I think it stands now. I do believe that he does stuff that he should know might or will upset me more often than he should, but I don't worry about losing him emotionally or physically. I do get a little jealous of his closeness to Morgan but I do believe it's just a sibling-type bond. Maybe it's just a social taboo sort of thing, and maybe that's a bad reason to feel upset, but I think the strongest reaction I had to his hanging out with and drinking with the two girls was the "you just don't DO that when you're in a relationship" feeling. Because I mean, if you ask anyone, I'm pretty sure they'll tell you that it sounds like there's something wrong with that picture, right?

So it is a different situation. Danny and I are very close, and we do conflict sometimes--sometimes badly--but I just have a very grounded feeling. We've had conflicts, we'll have more, but that doesn't mean anything important will change between us.

But yeah, I am working on explaining myself more often and clearly to him when I'm upset, because I used to be pretty much entirely unable to express myself when I was emotional. It's a process.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )